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My bipolar diaries. 4/22 update

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Daily update on my mental health journey. I am #bipolar and suffer with #depression. My psychiatrist just switched up my meds and took me off of #Seroquel and put me on #Latuda. So far so good.

Good morning everybody it is thursday the 22nd i believe and um this is my morning update not too too much going on this morning i woke up probably let’s see i went to bed probably around 10 30 which is great because i like to go to i don’t like to be up all night but um so i did that went to sleep fairly early woke up probably right at five which is my preferred

Time to wake up i like to wake up early that way i drink one cup of coffee in the morning so i like to be able to drink my coffee and have time to get dressed and my boys are usually up and moving around that time so i can kind of you know talk to them and make sure i tell them to have a good day and i love them and all that good stuff and um they’re pretty

Independent they get their self up they go to the bus you know on their own so that’s just one of the things about that’s one of the things when i was younger and they were younger i could not wait to happen i was so ready for them to become teenagers that way they wouldn’t be so dependent on me and now i’m just i really miss them being so dependent so um but

Anyway um so yeah i woke up feeling good this morning i don’t have that feeling in my stomach that kind of feeling of worry today so um that’s that’s great um because i’d kind of had that for the past you know while so um not a whole lot going on feeling pretty good um there’s not really a whole lot to talk about when i’m feeling good because you know everything

Is just okay um bad days definitely probably make for better videos but um i don’t really have anything bad to report on today um well one thing that is going on that i guess i could touch base on is um my mom is currently living with me she has lived with me off and on for years and you have to think i’ve been on my own since 14 before that i was kind of just

Passed around from person to person so um yeah i got out as soon as i can as soon as i got a job i was out and um she’s just um since the time she was probably about 30 she’s been inside or in and out of nursing home facilities just due to her alcoholism and getting drunk and getting hurt or just you know just she she’s not capable of taking care of herself so

She um she was previously living with um my uncle who is also an alcoholic and they got in a fight and he called me one day and was like you need to come get your mom so i have a family a fiance everything i have to take her in to live with me this is somebody who never took care of me when i was a kid and i don’t mean to sound spiteful it’s just a part of me

Wonders why why do i have to take care of her if she didn’t take care of me and maybe that’s wrong but that is how i really feel um she’s she still drinks i’ve asked her to you know at least slow down you know i understand your alcoholic you go into withdrawals if you don’t have alcohol but you don’t have to be just completely wasted every day i mean i i despise

That and i don’t want it around my kids i don’t drink i mean i i hate it and um she doesn’t care i’ve asked her to help around the house like my boys do chores i work all day my fiance works all day the boys go to school they do have chores my oldest does the dishes my youngest takes the trash out and wipes down the counters i’ve asked my mom to kind of you

Know help do that since you’re here all day you’re not doing anything well she she doesn’t you know that’s not her job but it’s my job to cater to her and buy her beer when she doesn’t have it and give her rides when she needs them and you know just fully accommodate her and whatever she needs and i’m to the point where i just feel like i can’t do it anymore

Um i don’t i i have to worry about myself and getting myself better and being the best person i can for my kids and i do feel like i’m a good mom that’s one thing i’ve always said you know the two things i know that i’m good at is working and being a mom everything else i may be horrible but i know i’m a good mom because i care you know i really am i just care

I love my boys i’m so blessed to be a mom and i’m so blessed to have awesome kids like i do but anyway so i told her that i told my mom that you know this just isn’t working out either she can help around the house slack off on the drinking you know show some appreciation you know try to be a benefit don’t just try to you know live off of me and you know be

A benefit help me you know i’m going through a lot help me and um either that or she’s going to have to figure something else out and i don’t have time to do it for she’s going to have to be a grown up and you know get on the phone make phone calls find some sort of because she gets a check so she should be able to get some sort of you know financial assisted or

Financially assisted living or you know something like that i would hate to see her she’s not old enough to be in a nursing home but at the same time her with her not wanting to do for herself you know maybe that’s where she needs to be i i don’t know but i just know that i can’t continue worrying about somebody who doesn’t worry about me i have a family i have

A job i’m struggling as it is i don’t need i don’t need that negativity um in my life i just don’t if you don’t add value then you don’t need to be there so that’s kind of where i’m at with that situation um anyway aside from that like i said i feel good this morning um today’s gonna be a good day i’m hoping and um yeah that’ll make all week being a good week

And that that’s awesome but anyway um happy thursday everybody have a good day if anything happens i’ll check in later if not i may just let it go until in the morning but um anyway bye guys

Transcribed from video
My bipolar diaries. 4/22 update By Bipolar Chris